Wednesday, 6 March 2013
My thoughts at the moment are largely dominated by the interview I have tomorrow morning for my teacher course, so forgive me if this is short. Whether or not I get into teaching next year depends on what these people think of me and how I'm able to put myself across
Yes, Sarah, interview blah blah, what has this got to do with being an insecure writer?
Well obnoxious version of me, it's simple. Because your writing is judged in kind of a similar way.
I love writing. I just don't think I'm very good at it. Pure and simple.
I'd love to teach. I just don't think I'd be very good at it. Hang on...
See the similarities there? I don't know whether or not I'd be a good teacher, and I am unqualified to therefore say whether or not I will be a good teacher. That's why I'm going to this interview. Experts in the field who are able to make an assessment from a 5 minute presentation and some questions whether or not I show promise and can be moulded by a year of study and training into a teacher.
The same, in theory, should go for my writing. I don't think I'm very good. Some people have told me that I am, but their either 1) friends/family members 2) fanfiction readers who are likely to say anything nice as long as your spelling and grammar is decent and your characters have at least a speck of personality. But here's the thing. I'm also unqualified to make that judgement call. That's why we have agents and publisher people. Experts in the field who can tell you whether or not your book can be moulded into the best version of itself. I'm not very knowledgeable about the MS to book arc, but from what I hear, there's a LOT of tweaking, twisting, moulding and polishing goes on before a story ever sees the light of day.
And I can say all these things until I'm blue in the face. It does not make them any easier to do. I'm terrified by my interview tomorrow, in case they say no. I'm absolutely terrified of ever sending any of my writing off to someone in the writing profession, in case they say no.
But you can never know if you don't try.